Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i believe in u and ur pee
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize