i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
