just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
