how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
