Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
