I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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