I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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