sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My feet surprised me
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
