Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
