I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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