How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
