someone get that fucking seahorse.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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