time to smoke my breakfast
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I forgot how hot balto sounded
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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