I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
