This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
