I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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