I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
