I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
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