Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
