she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize