I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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