I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
