I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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