i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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