I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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