If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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