Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
birth control should be required to get into college
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
