Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Never let your siblings swipe right.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
