What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i will never coherently bang her
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
