Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My vagina is officially offended.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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