just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
