My room smells like vodka and shame
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
