Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
