It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
