Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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