Screwed.edu
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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