My hand turned me down
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
