Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
