i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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