So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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