when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We got so high we made milksteak
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
