Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
