His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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