Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
