You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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