What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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