The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
