When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
