as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
