Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i believe in u and ur pee
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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