I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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