I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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