David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
