I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
