The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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