I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
