how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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