watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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