Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
