she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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