Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
