The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You dont lie about slip and slides
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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