I puked a lego.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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