My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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