Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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