you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
