I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
where are my eyebrows?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
