shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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