Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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