she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
