right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
