question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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