I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
