I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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