hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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