her vagine was all disorganized.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
