i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
