hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
