I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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