hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
