i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
