so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
