So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
What a dumb baby whore.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
