i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Randomize
