i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize