I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize