I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
how drunk are you?
Several
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
