are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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