Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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