Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i will never coherently bang her
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize