it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
