Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
