I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There's always time for handjobs
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
