I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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