Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
They took my balls.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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