trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize