I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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