I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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