he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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