This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
