We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
