So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
