I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
