I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think a kid would responsible me up
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
