Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize